


Intimate Legacy

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 06:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: In the alternate timeline of Endgame, a dying Chakotay summons Kathryn to his side. Can their confessions of love change things for their younger counterparts?Setting: Endgame addition





	Intimate Legacy

December 2377 

  


"You know what I'm talking about!" Admiral Janeway's darkened eyes glared at those of her younger self. "I know you love him. I was you, remember?" The two strikingly similar faces stared at each other across the expanse of the Ready Room. 

The younger woman's eyes flickered first. She knew. 

"It's too late. He's already dating Seven." 

"He hasn't married her yet. You get this ship home tomorrow and he never will." 

Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the USS Voyager, looked doubtful. "You can't know that…" 

"You think he doesn't still love you? You wonder if he ever did? I remember thinking those same thoughts myself. But you're wrong. I listened to Chakotay as he lay dying. He unburdened everything, especially what he felt about me. He never stopped loving me…not for a second. Even when we spent years hardly talking to each other." 

"I don't think you should be telling me this…" 

"I'll tell you what you damn well need to know! I wish to G-d someone had come back and told me when I was standing right where you are now! My timeline's obsolete now, or very soon will be. I haven't given up everything and come back here, just so you can make all the same mistakes all over again! You need to seize the opportunity that's about to be handed to you. Seven's not the love of his life…You are!" The younger woman looked up in shock at the Admiral. For a moment, she couldn't believe she'd heard her correctly, but saw from her face she meant every word. 

"Speak to him, Kathryn," the Admiral continued, softening her tone. "Tell him how you feel! You owe it to each other! Don't shut him out anymore. I've had ten years to think about what he told me during the last few days of his life. He sent for me, you know. He was desperate for a reconciliation. Wanted me to know how just how much I meant to him. We wasted twenty-three years! Twenty-three years when we could have been together. Believe me, I know what it's like to live with a lifetime of regrets…." Then she turned and left the Captain to her own thoughts. 

* * *

  


The Admiral strode purposefully along the corridors of Voyager, trying to tamp down the trepidation that this coming interview conjured in her. Chakotay had asked to speak with her in private, and, if as she suspected he was going to probe her, then the whole affair would be rather harrowing. She'd spent the last couple of days avoiding Seven and Chakotay. Seeing the both of them alive and well was wonderful, and at the same time emotionally very disturbing. 

She rang the chime to his quarters, and Chakotay admitted her to semi-darkness. He gave her a welcoming smile and bade her make herself comfortable in one of his easy chairs. 

As she sat down, he offered her some wine. 

"Alright." She gave a half-smile, her eyes sweeping appreciatively over a version of Chakotay as she much preferred to remember him: younger and still full of life. "I think I could use a little fortification…" 

"You're worried about tomorrow?" he asked, handing her glass of merlot. 

"Not as much as I am about being summoned here!" 

"Come now, Kathryn…I suppose I may call you that?" 

"It is my name." 

"You've never been uneasy with me…." 

"No. But I'm not here for a cosy chat now, am I?" 

Chakotay sat down opposite her, and regarded her with sympathetic yet curious eyes. 

"Guess not." 

"So why don't you come right out with it. Tell me what you want to know, Chakotay." 

"Are you and the Captain really going through with this tomorrow?" 

"Certainly!" 

"You won't be coming back," he said, in a matter of fact tone. 

"I know that. She knows that. It's what I have to do and at least my death will have some meaning." 

"You always were far too willing to sacrifice yourself. It's your worst fault." 

"But it is my choice." 

"And what if you're condemned to years of living hell? No-one can ask that of you, no matter the reward." He studied her with deep concern. It occurred to him, that if this had been his version of Kathryn Janeway, he would have fought tooth and nail to stop her sacrificing herself. He wondered if he could accept this loss any more easily. But the crux of the matter was that, if this woman went to her death tomorrow, he would still have his Kathryn with him. He could lose this woman, without losing the woman who meant so much to him. Perhaps that was a rather selfish attitude. 

"It won't happen," answered the Admiral. "We've taken steps to ensure that. I'm going down, and I'm taking a substantial part of the Borg empire with me. And if we succeed, this version of myself will cease to exist. I pretty much expect to close my eyes, wake up and find everything changed...for the better. Naïve perhaps, but that's the way I've got to look at it." She took a large draught of her wine at this. 

"Then why haven't you already ceased to exist?" 

"Because we haven't completed the task yet." Chakotay's face registered his confusion. "I know," she added, "it's hard to make sense of a temporal paradox. Over the years, I've learned not to even try." 

"Tell me how the hell you managed to change her mind?" 

"Pardon?" 

"She was dead set against going in two days ago…" 

Kathryn nestled back into her chair and sighed. "I just told her a few home truths, that's all. How things will be, if you continue your journey for another sixteen years…" 

"She let you tell her? You both ignored the Temporal Prime Directive?" he asked incredulously. 

"I don't know why you should be so surprised! We both know she's perfectly prepared to bend when push comes to shove!" She regarded him thoughtfully for a few moments. "Well…maybe you don't. You always assumed she was a right stickler on matters of protocol. If you'd pushed a bit harder, maybe you'd have been surprised. I wouldn't be here now, if I always did things by the book." 

"Are you saying…" he continued, still not quite believing what he was hearing. 

"I'm saying nothing." 

"But if you broke the Prime Directive with her, then surely you can with me…" 

"I told her only what was necessary to get her to change course." 

"Even so.." 

"She's the Captain, Chakotay. I have to respect that. You don't need to know everything. Besides, my timeline has been erased. It's immaterial now." 

"I died, didn't I?" 

The Admiral didn't need to answer. He could read the truth in her eyes. 

"That's why you've been avoiding me," he added. 

She sighed. "You died soon after we reached earth. Nearly ten years ago from my perspective. Seven died three years from now. We lost twenty-two others too." 

"We can avoid that now." 

"We already have," asserted the Admiral confidently. "What's happening now will irrevocably change things. That's why I came back." 

Chakotay nodded. "Good. Are you going to tell me how it happened?" 

"No. It would be...too emotive for me. I've lived with the pain for years. But I don't need to tell you anything…." She removed something from a pocket and placed it on the coffee table between them. It was a letter with his name scrawled shakily on the outside. "Because I imagine your older self has something significant to say on the matter. He left me this to hand to you. Entrusted me with it during his final hours. He wanted me to make this trip. We planned this together." 

Chakotay picked up the envelope and turned it over suspiciously. 

"Planned it together?" 

"Yes. This wasn't all my idea, you know. Tell me something….how are things going between you and Seven?" Chakotay's jaw dropped. "How many dates has it been?" 

"You know about that?" 

"Yes. And so does the Captain now!" 

"You told her?" he blustered angrily. "I wasn't ready to tell her yet!" 

"I know that. You didn't tell me for ages. I wonder why?" pondered the Admiral. "It's a curious thing. Could it be that you're not sure how well suited you and Seven are? Or could it be you're not sure how the Captain will react?" 

"Both, I guess. Look…" 

"Let me tell you, she's jealous as hell. She won't show you, of course, unless I've managed to knock some sense into her." 

"Jealous?" 

"Yes." 

"Oh," was all Chakotay could manage at this little revelation. Truth was he was rather dumbstruck by it. 

"Flattering, isn't it? To be the subject of Seven's adoration! Someone so young and beautiful…" Chakotay's eyes showed the accuracy of this comment. "Do you love her, Chakotay?" 

He blinked a couple of times. "Not yet…maybe…" 

"And the Captain?" 

Chakotay swallowed. It was rather bizarre to be asked this by this strange, yet familiar version of his best friend. He'd asked her here to find the answers to some of his questions. Why did it feel like he was in the firing line now? "I don't know. I did. Once. But I've fought to get past it. I assumed you…she never returned my feelings." 

"Maybe you assumed wrong." 

His head lifted. "What are you saying?" 

"I think that's for you and the Captain to work out." 

"Wait a minute! What kind of an answer is that? You are her. I think I deserve more!" 

"There's just one thing you should consider here. If you continue dating Seven, you will lose her friendship. She'll want you to be happy, of course, but the two of you can never again have the easy relationship that you used to thrive on." 

This was too disturbing for his liking. The thought of losing his friendship with Kathryn didn't sit at all well with him. It was unthinkable. He shifted uncomfortably and waited for the Admiral to go on, but she didn't seem inclined to add to what she'd said. The silence stretched out and he decided he wanted something much more concrete from her. He wanted the truth, so his question, when it came, was direct and uncompromising. "Kathryn Janeway, did you ever love me?" It hadn't occurred to him for a long time how much he needed to know the answer to this question. 

The Admiral stood abruptly, indicating that she'd had enough of this interview. She wondered, not for the first time, at the wisdom of all this. Chakotay might still choose to marry Seven, but at least her younger self wouldn't have to stand on the sidelines painfully watching their relationship unfold and end dramatically right before her eyes. 

Her back straightened, as if confirming her resolve. She really didn't want to relive all this agony just for his benefit. She should leave, but she made the mistake of looking at him one last time. His face was full of expectation and she felt pressured to answer. For a moment she couldn't find her voice. She took a step towards the door, as the moisture began to gather in her eyes. Turning back, she confessed, "I always loved you, Chakotay. I think it's time you did something about it. This may be your last chance. If you take things further with Seven, it will be gone." 

* * *

  


Chakotay stared at the envelope for a long time after the doors hissed shut. She loved him? Kathryn Janeway loved him? How could he not know something as profound as that? She was his dearest friend. It seemed incredible to him that they had worked together for seven years without acknowledging something of this magnitude. He had loved her, of course. Intensely at times. Now, he wasn't so sure. A number of scrapes and arguments had served to put a little distance between them over the last year or so. If he'd still been as besotted as he'd once been, he'd never have considered dating Seven. 

Why was he dating Seven? For the first time, he began to wonder. She was stunningly beautiful, of course. It had been an incredible boost to his ego to have the attention of someone so young and alluring. But then Kathryn was a very attractive woman too. They'd always looked good together, attracted many an admiring glance. Many people they had encountered assumed them to be a couple just from their body language. 

He'd had four dates with Seven. They'd been fun, but if he was honest with himself, an evening with Seven never held the stimulation, the laughter or the companionship of an evening with Kathryn. What it did hold was the tantalising promise of physical satisfaction and that was the key. It was precisely the problem. He wanted a full relationship. He hadn't been able to get that with Kathryn. He'd always thought it beyond his reach. Maybe he'd got it wrong. 

And if they did get home tomorrow, then all sorts of possibilities would open up. His chances with Kathryn could change dramatically…. 

Was he ready for what the letter had to say? Hadn't he had enough of an emotional roller-coaster this evening? He reached forward and lifted the letter, slicing it open carefully, knowing he couldn't leave it any longer. He would die of curiosity. 

The spidery scrawl, somewhat resembling his own, was that of a sick man. As he removed the single slip of paper, a small black chip fell onto the table. He glanced at it in momentary surprise, before his eyes refocused on the letter. 

  
__

Chakotay, 

It is my dearest wish that this gets to you before it's too late. As I write this, I imagine I am only days from death. 

I begged Kathryn to come and see me. I wasn't sure she would. We hadn't spoken in the three months since we've been home. We'd almost become estranged. What a dreadful way for the most special relationship of my life to end? I couldn't endure it. I couldn't bear the thought that I would go to my death never having told the one woman I have truly loved how much she meant to me, or never having held her in my arms. Whatever I felt for Seven, it was always a mere shadow of what I felt for Kathryn. 

I wasn't sure she'd come, but she did. There is nothing like a death-bed scene to bring out a few barely hidden truths. So I finally told her, and she finally told me she felt the same. I hope by all that's good in the universe, you don't wait another sixteen years to do the same. It's such a waste. We were meant to be together, and in the end we were, sadly too late for either of us to enjoy the experience. 

The enclosed chip is a recording of some of our final conversations. Kathryn knows what is on it, but I did it for you, not her. I would be foolish to think that she would find it easy to lay the truth before a younger version of myself. I also hope this will carry more weight with you, if it comes directly from me. I hope to knock some sense into that thick head of yours. You may wish to let your Kathryn hear this too, but I'm leaving it up to you. 

I imagine it's rather disturbing to get a letter from your future self, just as Kathryn will be finding it difficult to converse with a future version of herself, not that either of you will become the two people we are. If you are reading this, we will have already changed history. You will not need to face what I am facing. I beg of you to look past the strangeness of all this and take on board the message behind it. Weigh it up objectively, don't dismiss it out of hand. You have so much to lose here. 

Your future is in your hands, as is Kathryn's. This is my legacy to you. 

Your older self, Chakotay. 

  


He struggled for some time to absorb some of the meaning of this message. It was disturbing and enticing at the same time. There was no way he could ignore it, and carry on as normal. 

He had some work to do, even a date with Seven later, but neither held any allure for him. He commed Seven quickly and made some feeble-sounding excuse. Then he shoved a few padds aside. He wouldn't be able to concentrate, even if he wanted to. 

The chip was carefully inserted into his computer, and he immediately discovered it was an audio only file. For that, he was a little relieved. He wasn't sure he could face seeing himself close to death. It wasn't going to make easy listening. He sank back into his armchair and refilled his wineglass. He was the one that needed the fortification now. 

He closed his eyes and listened to the mesmerising voices. His, tinny and rasping, sometimes breaking off breathlessly. Kathryn's, just the same as it always was. Familiar, deep and velvety. As the sounds wafted around the room, he was transported into another realm…a world which didn't exist yet. And, after tomorrow, a world that never would. 

* * *

  


2394   
Alternate Timeline 

The door to the private room in a Starfleet Medical Facility opened to reveal a distinguished woman with confident bearing in a Starfleet uniform. Her eyes were still bright and intelligent, her skin still smooth and clear, but her hair was beginning to lose some depth to its auburn colouring. This was one concession to her age she was allowing. 

"Kathryn! You came! Oh, thank the spirits!" came a delighted voice from within. "I wasn't sure you would." 

The woman entered the room, the warmth in her face masking the concern she felt for the man lying on the hospital bed. 

"Chakotay? How are you? You know I wouldn't desert a friend in need!" she asked, looking down at the prone figure. He looked a shadow of his former self, his complexion sallow, his dark hair with its distinguished flash of grey lacking its former lustre. It was difficult to believe this was still the same man, her dear friend whom she loved unquestionably, despite the ravages time had wrought on their friendship. Their connection, their special relationship had survived it all: his marriage to another, the traumas of constant battle, their not speaking to each other for three months, their stubborn resistance to taking that final leap to explore the sexual tension between them. It had outlasted it all. It was still there, deep down. 

The man on the bed bore little resemblance to the strong beautiful warrior who had stood by her side all those years, who had given her strength when hers had failed. She had, even in all the times their relationship had been under stress, known that she could turn to him instantly for support, that he would rush to her side in the blink of an eye and give her anything and everything she ever wanted. She'd only had to ask. 

The trouble was that she'd stopped asking. 

And that she'd never once asked for the one thing he'd most wanted to give her. 

"Oh, G-d, it's so good to see you," he said in a choked voice, reaching out with a desperate need to make physical contact with her. "We've gotten like strangers." 

"I'm sorry," she apologised, taking his flailing hand firmly in hers. "It's my fault. If I'd known how ill you were…." 

"Sit down! Get a chair. I want to talk to you. There are some important things I want to say to you." Kathryn dropped the bag she'd been carrying and looked around. The room was dim, clean and clinical, exactly as you'd expect such a place to be, but she saw a chair lurking in a dark corner and dragged it to a place beside the bed and sat down. For a moment she hesitated, but the warmth in his tired eyes encouraged her. She reached out and covered his hand with hers. 

"New uniform suits you!" he said, sweeping his admiring eyes across her Admiral's garb. 

"Thanks." 

"You look great." 

She smiled. "Wish I could say the same for you. How did you get yourself in this mess, old man?" 

He let out a long breath. "It's that illness I contracted on Niros III…the one the Doctor had trouble containing. I'm afraid he didn't cure it, only postpone the inevitable. It's slowly eating me away." 

"I thought you'd recovered…" 

"No. I was only in remission." 

"You kept it from me?" 

"I didn't want to worry you. You had enough on your plate with Tuvok…" 

"Oh, Chakotay!" she cried, agonised that he'd done this. "You should have told me!" 

He had the grace to look embarrassed under her concerned gaze. They were both far too good at keeping things from each other. 

"How is he by the way?" 

"Not too good. I visit regularly. Some days he's quite lucid, almost his old self, others he barely recognises me." 

Chakotay merely nodded at this. 

"Are you in pain?" she continued. 

"Not too bad…they've got it well under control. But I've no strength left, Kathryn. Some days they get me up into a chair…but I can hardly do that any more." She squeezed his hand sympathetically. "I'm not going to last much longer. Days at best." 

"I know," she answered, fighting to prevent her voice from choking. "They told me." 

"I'm so glad you came. There are things I really want to tell you…Can you stay?" 

"As long as you need me." 

"No pressing affairs at the Admiralty?" 

She smiled wanly. "Nothing is important enough to keep me from you…if you want me, that is. Besides, I have twenty-three years of leave saved up!" 

"I'm sure you do. Too bad I can't whisk you away to Risa." 

"Are you comfortable here?" 

"As comfortable as they can make me." 

They fell into silence for a few moments, their eyes speaking their concern to each other. She rubbed his hand in encouragement. 

"Kathryn," he began tentatively, "what happened to us? Why did we grow so distant from each other? Your friendship was the most precious thing I ever had…" 

"I don't know. I… Well, lots of little things I guess. When you married Seven, I thought I needed to give you both space…" 

"Did I ask you that of you? We still needed you. Both of us!" 

"But nonetheless, it's what I felt I had to do. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to be was a third wheel." 

"You wouldn't have been. Besides, you'd begun to pull away before that…" 

Kathryn cast her eyes to the ceiling in discomfort. "Alright," she conceded with a large exhalation of breath, "Maybe it was the Equinox thing. I know you were terribly disappointed in me." 

He looked at her mournfully. "No, I wasn't," he said softly. "That may have been your perception, but I forgave you easily. You're only human, Kathryn, and I, for one, have made plenty of my own dumb mistakes." 

"Maybe. But I am sorry for the way I treated you afterwards. I know, if things hadn't worked out, I might very well have blamed you for stopping me. We could have been stranded in space with no field generator, possibly without warp drive, while Ransom escaped to continue his reign of terror, and I know I'd have had a hard time forgiving you for that. But I am sorry for being angry with you over it." 

"You always were single minded." 

"That's the stuff of Captains. You had me on a pedestal, Chakotay, and I think it knocked you somewhat to find out that I was capable of something that outrageous." 

"All too true, I'm afraid. My view of you was somewhat tarnished, and I probably had spent too much time idolising you before that. But believe me, I did forgive you. Life in the Maquis was never a bed of roses either, and I had to make some harsh and dreadful choices myself. My own humanity could often have been called into question too. No, it wasn't just that." 

"And it wasn't just me. I sensed you pull away too. We both did this." 

"Yes, we did. I think, for me it was Quarra." 

"Quarra?" An eyebrow lifted with the question. 

"Yes. That was when I realised that someone else could make you happy. Without the complications of command getting in the way." 

"Chakotay…that wasn't the real me on Quarra! Don't you remember? I'd been brain-washed!" 

"Still, I saw you with Jaffen…" 

"And wasn't I glad when you rescued me?" 

"So it seemed. But it could have just been one of your fronts. You're good at those. Stiff upper lip in the face of duty!" 

"Chakotay! That's outrageous! How could you think that?" 

"Still, it broke my heart to see you with him." Kathryn pursed her lips despondently. "I guess we never talked about what was most important. We always avoided exposing our inner most feelings. We're both guilty of that." 

"We are." 

"And then time went by. I married Seven. You pulled away even more. It wasn't just because you wanted to give us space, was it? It was more than that," he probed. 

She took a long time to answer. "No. You don't hold the monopoly on being heartbroken." 

"Were you jealous?" he asked, buoyed by her answer. 

She sighed. "Very." 

"Why didn't you say something?" 

"Why didn't you? You avoided telling me about Seven for months. The crew knew long before I did! Why did you keep it quiet? Don't tell you were embarrassed!" 

"A little." 

"More likely, you knew it would hurt me. You knew deep down." 

He glanced away. The truth is sometimes painful. "Yes, I did." 

"I was outraged that you'd kept it from me. It was Seven who told me in the end! By then you were practically engaged! What would I have looked like, marching in and telling you I loved you at that late stage? I would have looked like a sad old reject having a mid-life crisis, who couldn't cope with her failure, couldn't accept that she'd lost out to a younger, more beautiful woman! Besides, I just wanted you to be happy." 

Chakotay regarded her sadly for a few seconds. How could she have thought that? How could she have thought she'd have made a fool of herself if she'd been honest with him? Or supposed that she would definitely lose out to a younger woman? 

"Seven didn't make me happy," he admitted quietly. Kathryn's chin lifted in surprise, almost uncertain that she'd heard him correctly. "Well, maybe for a few weeks," he added. "She tried hard, but she could never offer me the companionship you could." 

"Chakotay!" Kathryn's voice exuded the horror she felt at this. "I thought you loved her!" 

"I did…in some way. Never enough, though." 

"Then why did you marry her?" 

"I thought she was the one person who had enough going for her to keep my heart from aching for you. I was wrong. I thought she could offer me the level of intimacy you held from me…that I could have a satisfying physical relationship with her, the happy private life I longed for, and not lose your companionship. I thought I could still indulge myself with the joy and the intellectual stimulation of being in your presence. Kathryn, I thought I could have the best of both worlds. I was wrong about that too, so terribly wrong. You and I had a precious spiritual connection. We were never more alive than when we were together. I expected our special relationship to take a back seat, but I never expected to lose it altogether. I was sadly deluded, wasn't I?" 

"I suppose you were." 

"But I would have stuck by her. I would have done everything possible to make her happy. I think she was, but then she died…" 

"My heart bled for you then…" 

"Why didn't you show me? I needed you so badly then, Kathryn, and yet you seemed more distant than ever." 

"You seemed so heartbroken. I thought you blamed me…for Seven's death, I mean. I used to look at you and see it in your eyes. Something dark and angry, and I thought I was the last person you wanted to be comforted by…." 

"I was angry. At first. But not just about Seven's death, nor about the senseless waste. I didn't truly blame you for it. That mission was no more dangerous than many others. I knew that deep down." 

"I was alive, and she was dead. I thought you hated me for it." 

He glanced at her in shock. "I never hated you. Never. I loved you. If I was heartbroken, it wasn't simply over Seven's death. What cut me most deeply was the distance between us. You were alive and unreachable. I blamed you for shutting me out. For never giving me the intimacy I longed for. For driving me into Seven's arms in the first place. For putting the mission ahead of personal happiness. We were stuck out there for nearly a quarter of a century, Kathryn, and eventually even you should have seen the futility of sticking to protocol." 

Kathryn closed her anguished eyes. "We never talked about these things…" 

"No, we never did. We should have done. I regret that now. I know you always felt the Captain had to stay focused. I know you said you didn't have the luxury of indulging in a personal relationship…but we still should have talked it through. It would have helped." 

Kathryn was quiet for a few minutes. "You're right. We should have talked about it. Twenty-three years was too much to waste on protocol. I'm so, so sorry, Chakotay. I wish I had been more honest with you years and years ago." 

"And so do I." 

"We should have talked." 

"We should. It's my biggest regret that I never told you how I felt. Not in words that made it clear, anyway." 

"Mine too. I know I gave off vibes of being untouchable, but there were times when I questioned my stance on this. If you'd timed it right, if you'd pushed me, I might not always have been so rigid about it." He raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "The first few years I was engaged to Mark, and I would never have dreamt of letting him down. Except perhaps when we were stuck on that planet, and if we had only been there a few days longer, things might have turned out very differently." 

"Really?" he grinned, as the happy memories flooded his mind. "They came back for us…too soon." 

"Yes, they did," she smiled back, squeezing his hand. "And then time went by and we devoted ourselves to our jobs once again. Life never threw us many obvious opportunities. We should have made more of our chances when they came. Maybe, if you'd made it clear it was still what you'd wanted when I got my letter from Mark…but you said…" 

He sighed in regretful memory, "We've got plenty of time…" 

"I suppose we had. _Then_." 

"G-d, I was an idiot." 

"We both were." 

"Time's run out now." 

She looked at him sadly. "I'm here, aren't I? There still time for some honesty here." 

A few heartbeats passed as he rubbed her thumb affectionately, before he continued. "Yes. That's why I asked you to come…that and the sheer pleasure of seeing you again. I'm pretty sure you already know what I am about to say to you, but it needs putting into words anyway. I mustn't put it off any longer." Her gaze met his, her eyes reflecting her deep sense of regret, but she nodded her encouragement. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway. I always did. Through all the terrible things that have happened to us, the dumb decisions we've made, and the distance we very foolishly allowed to come between us, I never, ever stopped loving you. Not for a second. You're the only woman I've ever truly loved. I finally decided last week, when the doctors told me how little time I have left, that I couldn't go to my grave never having spoken the words. And I want the privilege of holding you in my arms before I die. Is there any chance an old man's wish might be granted?" 

Kathryn choked back the tears, and leant in close, sweeping a hand affectionately across his brow. "You bet! And you're not so old either." She kissed him on the forehead. 

"Sure as hell feels like it! But I was hoping for a little lip action," he said with a hint of disappointment. 

Kathryn smiled, before leaning in again and touching his lips with hers. It was brief, and tantalisingly sweet. And so delicious. She pulled away, gazing sincerely into his eyes, trying to gauge how much it was sapping his strength. 

"I love you too, Chakotay," she confessed, with shining eyes. "I always hoped you knew that anyway, even if I'd never told you, but I deeply regret never saying the words before..." 

"I was never quite sure, Kathryn. I'd always hoped… Thank you for telling me at last. How long?" 

"Since…about the moment you beamed onto my Bridge," she admitted, with a curling smile. 

He laughed. "Same here. Pretty much hit me like a thunderbolt. Who'd have thought it? Two sworn enemies gazing across space and instantly attracted to each other. Love at first sight, eh?" She smiled too. "Spirits, were there ever two such prize idiots?" 

"Not across two whole quadrants," she proposed. 

"Can we try that again?" he asked, showing his meaning by dropping his eyes to her lips. He pulled her head back towards him, this time attempting, with some difficulty, a far deeper kiss. 

* * *

  


Kathryn came bright and early the next morning, having spent a difficult night trying and failing to come to terms with just how close she was to losing Chakotay altogether. The wasted years were something that she would have to live with for the rest of her life. They only had a few precious days left, and she knew she had to stay strong for his sake. 

Chakotay, despite his weariness, immediately felt his spirits lift on seeing her. They talked for long hours about anything and everything, interrupted occasionally by the medical staff, until Chakotay tired. Kathryn left him for a couple of hours to sleep, took a short walk to allow the fresh air to revive her, partook of a light lunch and spent a while discussing his progress with the medical staff and satisfying herself that everything that could be done for him was being done. 

She returned in the early afternoon, to find that he had been woken by the doctors treating him. She had to stay out of the way for some time, while he endured their poking and prodding, but eventually they left them alone again. 

She drew up her chair, and bent over to kiss him, openly on the lips. No hesitation anymore. 

"I asked them if I could take you home with me," she told him. 

"And?" 

"They refused, even with the Doctor in residence. Your medication is too complicated, apparently." His eyes showed his disappointment. "However, they've agreed to the next best thing. They're going to put me a bed up in here, so I can stay…" 

"Oh Kathryn, you'd do that?" 

"I want to stay. I want to be here with you…" 

His eyes shone with happiness. "Almost like being married." 

"That could be arranged, if you're interested." 

His heart leapt at the prospect. "After my fortune, woman?" 

"What else? You didn't think I was after your body, did you?" 

"I hate to inform you, I only own a few meagre boxes of junk. A dreamcatcher, a medicine bundle, a few holo-images…" 

"Damn. I'll have to revise my plans." 

"And I'd already left them to you, anyway." 

They smiled at each other, easy in each other's company now, despite the gravity of the situation they now found themselves in. 

"There's something I'd like you to do for me…Please don't be shocked, and promise to at least think about it before you turn me down," he said seriously. 

"Spit it out, then." 

"I'd like to hold you in my arms…naked." 

If Kathryn was shocked at this, her eyes didn't betray it. "Here?" 

"Why of course, here. I can't exactly get out of bed and walk you to a seedy hotel room, can I?" 

He watched her as she appeared to chew it over, her face unreadable. "Give me a few minutes," she said eventually, then left the room. Some time later he heard her voice outside the door talking to one of the doctors. 

"All we're asking for is an hour or two's privacy here," Kathryn said with emphasis. 

"It's highly irregular. What if he needs urgent medical attention?" 

"I can press the emergency button immediately. Honestly, the man is dying. What's the worst that could happen?" 

"I suppose you have a point." 

"I thought you upheld the principle of giving a man at his stage of life everything he could wish for…" 

"Let's ask him shall we?" replied the doctor, as the door slid open and the two of them entered the room. "Commander Chakotay, the Admiral here says that you wish to be left alone with her for a couple of hours. Is that correct?" 

"Yes," Chakotay rasped. 

"You require some privacy?" 

"Yes." 

"Do you want to tell me what you have planned?" 

"Actually, that's none of your business." 

The doctor huffed. "Well, let me tell you this is against my advice. But it might be possible. Let me check you over. If your condition at present is stable, then I imagine we can accommodate you," he finished sceptically. 

"Thank you." 

The Doctor spent some time checking over the patient's vital signs and satisfying himself that nothing required immediate attention and that his pain relief was fully effective. After a while, he pronounced himself in grudging agreement with the arrangements, extracting promises from both of them not to do anything stupid and to summon help the instant there was any cause for alarm. 

"What do you think I'm going to do?" asked Chakotay. "Get up and dance the tango?" 

"I wouldn't put it past you!" teased the doctor, preparing to depart. "You've got till 16.30. We'll leave you quite alone till then." 

"Thank you," said Kathryn and Chakotay together. 

When the doctor finally left, he placed a 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign on the door. 

Kathryn stared blankly after him for a few moments, not quite ready to believe Chakotay's wish was being granted, a little uncomfortable as to where this might be leading. Then she pushed a screen in front of the window in the door, so that people in the corridor could not see in. There was no lock. They would just have to trust they wouldn't be intruded upon. She glanced at the other window in the room, wondering how much they were overlooked. 

"Leave it," begged Chakotay, following her gaze. "I want to be able to see you properly. At least grant me that. I won't be able to do much more." 

Kathryn nodded, and came up beside him, clasping his hand. "I'm sixty-one, you know," she said apologetically. "Don't expect the body of some nubile young thing." 

He laughed. "You're the sexiest damn sixty-one year old I know! You think your body's past its best? You should see mine!" She managed a smile at this. His hand drifted down one of her arms. "You're still beautiful. Don't doubt it." 

"You sure about this?" 

"Yes. But if it makes you uncomfortable…" 

Kathryn looked at him carefully. It did make her uncomfortable, it might cost her some of her precious dignity, but she'd bought them two hours of privacy and his eyes told her how much he wanted this. She'd hate herself afterwards for not giving him his dearest wish. 

She shrugged her jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. She willed her hands not to shake, her nervousness not to show, but his eyes were fixed on her with such love and admiration that her courage began to find foothold. Slowly, she shed the layers of her uniform until she stood under his loving gaze in just her underwear. 

She came and knelt by the bed, turning her back to him. 

"Would you like to do the honours?" 

"Yes," he laughed, reaching forward and struggling for a few moments with the clasp of her bra. As the catch came apart she twisted back round to face him and allow him to pull the item away and drop it discarded on the floor. 

Her breasts were less full than they had been when he'd first known her....and consequently less full than the way he had painted them in his imagination. He'd expected it. A slight dimpling of her belly and the bony jut of her hips suggested a loss of weight too. But in his eyes, every inch of her was still wondrous to behold. 

She stood again, and between them they removed her panties with a fumble. 

At last, she stood proudly before him, not a stitch on her. 

He smiled wistfully, drinking her in with his eyes. Her skin was still delicately pale and clear, and her thighs and arms still shapely and muscular. There was much still to admire. "Told you, you were beautiful." A twist of her mouth suggested that she thought otherwise. "I love you, my Kathryn. I want you to know that. I love you down to the very hairs on the back of your neck!" 

She smiled in relief. "I love you too." 

"Help me shift over. I want you to come and lie down next to me." 

She went around to the other side of the bed, and helped him shift himself over to one side of the bed. 

"We don't want you falling out," she said, a little concerned. "How's that? Do you feel safe?" 

"Fine. Now get into my arms woman! I don't need you fussing at me like the doctors." 

She came back round and pulled herself under the bed covers, slipping next to him as he painfully wound one arm underneath her. As she snuggled up close, he buried his nose in her hair. 

"You smell heavenly," he declared. "And you feel wonderful." He ran his fingers up and down her arm. "You could do with a bit more flesh on you. Someone should be looking after you, making sure you eat properly." 

"That was your job." 

"Yes, it was. Afraid I'm going to have to resign my commission." 

"Well too bad. I'm not accepting your resignation just yet." 

He squeezed her to him with a satisfied grunt, then allowed his fingers to drift dreamily over a breast. Spirits, she felt so good in his arms, despite how thin she had gotten. In truth, he realised she probably had been like this for some time, since before they'd made it home. He would have to extract a promise from her to try to eat more regularly. 

"Why in heaven didn't we do this ages ago? When I still had the strength to do something about it?" 

"Because we're prize idiots, that's why." 

"I bet you were gorgeous when I first knew you." 

"I bet you were too." 

He sighed with sheer pleasure at the feel of her in his arms. "I remember that day…when you got out the bath because you heard a noise. The monkey, remember? You only had a towel around you. I was well impressed." 

"Impressed?" 

"Very." 

"I wish you'd shown me just how impressed." 

"So do I, believe me. So many years wasted. I wish I could make love to you!" 

"Well, close your eyes and let your imagination take over." 

He drew in a deep breath and did just that. 

She allowed him access to wherever he chose. He learned her intimately. His hand explored the ridges of her ribcage, the sweep of her hip, the curves of her breasts and the moisture between her legs. This was a luxury he never thought he'd have, yet it was bittersweet. He could not enjoy it to the full, knowing that, even as his groin felt long forgotten tell-tale twitches, his body had no longer the strength nor the will to follow through on it. It took him much of his strength to choke back the tears that threatened. 

Tenderly, he fondled a nipple with his fingers, closing his eyes at the sheer pleasure of it all. A little realignment of their bodies soon allowed him to replace his fingers with his questing lips. He sighed as he sucked in the succulent morsel, and his hands went around her back to pull her desperately into him. He felt himself transported to heaven, and Kathryn couldn't suppress a low moan as her hand entangled in his hair. 

It was all it took to make him dissolve. This was simply too much joy for him to take. Her nipple fell from his mouth with a watery pop, as his body began to shudder. He buried his head under her chin, whilst his tears streamed onto her chest. The few tears Kathryn permitted herself dropped into his hair. 

"Sorry!" he squeaked. 

"It doesn't matter," she soothed, her hands stroking his back. "It doesn't matter at all. Take as much time as you need." She closed her eyes and planted a soft kiss on the top of his head. 

It took a while for him to calm. When he did, he apologised again. She shushed him. No apologies were necessary. 

"Thank you," he told her. 

"For what?" 

"For giving me this. For giving me the privilege of holding you." 

"Chakotay, the privilege is mine." 

They lay silently in each other's arms for some time, listening only to the sounds of their measured breathing, till he broke the spell. 

"Kathryn?" 

"Uh um?" 

"If you had a chance, would you go back and change things? Or send a message back through time, like Harry and I did that time Voyager attempted the quantum slipstream drive?" 

She stirred, twisting herself to face him. It was her turn now to rub her hands gently over his frail body, trying to infuse her love and some of her strength into him. If only she could will him to live. 

"There are many things I'd change." 

"What would you change?" 

"I'd stop my younger self from being so stubborn where you were concerned, for a start." 

"That's a given." 

"I'd ensure the safety of all the people we lost," she continued predictably. "Probably prevent us from being pulled into the Delta Quadrant in the first place." 

"No!" he protested. "Don't say that! I thought you'd long got past your guilt about that. I'll never regret being thrown into the Delta Quadrant. It's what brought us together." 

"We lost a third of our crews that day!" 

"We saved a few more along the way. I'll bet if you'd been told when you first took command of Voyager that you were being sent on a five year mission to explore uncharted territory at huge personal risk and a high expectation of losses, you would have accepted those orders." 

"Five years is somewhat different from twenty-three. Besides the guilt wouldn't have been entirely on my hands." 

"It never was entirely on your hands. You know, we brought back unprecedented amounts of scientific data, knowledge far beyond the scope of any earlier explorers. And invaluable tactical knowledge. Our names will forever be in the history books." 

"That's true. But not those of the people we left behind." 

"Many of them may have died in the wars fought while we were gone. Maybe even more of them would have been dead than we lost." Kathryn couldn't argue with this. The massacre of the Maquis and the Dominion War had been particularly costly to the counterparts they'd left behind in the Alpha Quadrant. "Some of us could have been rotting in jail, or languishing in some Cardassian torture camp. Besides, the information we brought back about the Borg certainly saved billions of lives. The Alpha Quadrant could have been overrun by now without our knowledge and tactical experience. We all might have been dead or assimilated. I never want to hear you tell me you wish we hadn't been stuck in the Delta Quadrant again." 

Kathryn sighed in resignation. "Okay." 

"You can wish we got home sooner though." 

"Like when?" 

"Like before I started dating Seven. Or at least before it had gotten serious." He squeezed her closer to him. "I had a lot of time to think about it last night, after you'd gone." 

"Go on." 

"We had an opportunity...to come home with almost as much useful information as we did, but before the cost became beyond what we could endure. Before the journey and the terrible losses broke us. Think about it, Kathryn. In all the knowledge we acquired about the Borg, wasn't there something that afforded us a unique opportunity to get home?" 

Kathryn thought about this for a moment. "The Borg trans-warp conduit." 

"Precisely." 

"We passed it in the seventh year of our journey. We didn't know it had been there until years later." 

"Yes." 

"By my reckoning you'd already have begun dating Seven." 

"I imagine I had. But it hadn't gone far. A kick up the backside or the right incentive from you would have changed that in a nano-second. Believe me, you'd be doing us both a favour. We could send a message back through time, or maybe you could find a way to go back and knock some sense into our heads." 

"This all sounds rather self-indulgent to me." 

"Well, maybe it's time to put the two of us first for once. Or look at it this way…you'll save twenty odd more people, Seven included, and I know you loved her too. And you'll bring home all that valuable information about the Borg, everything we've learned, sixteen years sooner. It would probably lower Federation losses to them, and save countless more lives. You could justify it on a tactical basis alone, before factoring in any personal benefits." 

Kathryn was silent at this, and he knew he had set the wheels turning on a possible project for her. He had no doubt it would become a personal crusade for her, and, if she succeeded, then this personally heartbreaking timeline would be altered irrevocably. And maybe, just maybe he would hold her naked in his arms before he was too weak to do anything about it. 

16.30 came all too quickly, their precious hours of privacy ending abruptly. But it was while he held her there beside him, basking in the euphoria of realised dreams; it was while he finally cradled the love of his life in his arms; it was while her body lay softly entwined with his, her skin touching his like molten lava, that the first flesh began to be placed on the bones of the plot to bring Voyager home early. 

They put a bed up in the room for Kathryn to sleep in, and she pushed it up against his bed during the night so that they could sleep as close together as possible. Chakotay rallied for a while, just from the joy of her presence, and over another seven days or so, she barely left his side, except when the doctors were with him, or his lawyer. (Chakotay had wanted to make very careful arrangements as to his affairs.) She took advantage of those moments to take showers or go for some fresh air, but otherwise she ate and slept with him. They talked for long hours, and she spent much time tending to his needs and watching over him as he slept. 

And they married, Tom and B'Elanna acting as witnesses. Voyager's Doctor also was there. It was brief and poignant, but they never let the public or the other members of Voyager's crew know. It was strictly a private matter between the five of them. 

Then one morning about a week later, she woke, snuggled into him with her hand on his chest. As she stirred, her eyes flickered briefly in the soft light penetrating the window. 

Her breath caught. Instantly, she knew something was not quite right. 

She lifted her head, her heart thumping. He looked utterly peaceful. And very still. 

"Chakotay?" 

She shook his shoulder, as her throat constricted. "Chakotay?" she repeated, her voice rising an octave or so. 

There was no response. 

She thumped harder. "You promised! You promised you'd never leave me!" 

With a sob, she hit the alarm button. 

* * *

  


2377 

  


They were home. The plan finally agreed between the Captain and the Admiral, ultimately of one mind, had worked. The Admiral had successfully persuaded the Captain to bring Voyager home for both professional and personal reasons. 

Chakotay's head had been reeling from the events of the last twenty-four hours. The message from his future alternate self had hit him like a gut punch. He was angry with himself for not having gauged the depths of Kathryn's feelings, shocked at how things had turned out in the defunct timeline, and elated at the prospect of doing something about it in this. 

He'd barely seen Kathryn. Their eyes had met briefly across the table at the final 05.30 debriefing before their leap into the unknown, and both had known the other had been affected by the messages they'd received from their future selves. But there'd been an element of promise there too. There'd been a light in her eyes he knew spoke of many enticing possibilities, many re-opened boxes of dreams. 

For a few reckless seconds, while her voice droned above them, he'd indulged in fantasising as to where that might lead. She was still a very attractive, sexy woman, way more sensual than Seven. He knew she was the one woman to make him completely happy. In this day and age, she was still young enough to have children, if that's what they both wanted. Equally, he knew Seven could never make him happy now. 

That was the one thing he'd acted upon since listening to the chip. He'd told Seven their romantic relationship was over, that he'd support her as a friend in whatever way she needed, but that was all he could ever offer her. The interview had been a little awkward, but it was over and done. 

As the Captain's voice continued, he'd shaken himself out of this particular reverie. She'd needed him on task and completely focused. It wouldn't do for the First Officer to slip up just now, because he was daydreaming. 

But now they were home. The uncertainty was over and it had worked. They'd been back in the Alpha Quadrant for over six hours. They had been six very busy hours for all of Voyager's crew, most especially for her two commanding officers. 

By early evening, Chakotay realised that he hadn't eaten anything since the morning and that there was a limit to the amount of work he could do without a break. His next thought was that most likely his direct superior officer was in much the same position too. Time for that inevitable talk; the one that had already been on hold for seven long years, but thankfully would not now wait twenty-three. 

He took himself up onto the Bridge and checked everything was running smoothly, before enquiring after the Captain. She'd apparently been in the Ready Room for the entire duration, compiling reports, making arrangements for their arrival at earth and fielding all sorts of questions from the media, Starfleet command and any number of other officials jumping on the bandwagon. Some of these felt that a perceived interest in Voyager's return would boost their popularity ratings. 

He rang the chime on the door to the Ready Room, and she made him wait a minute or two before admitting him. 

As he entered, she rose from her desk with a massive grin on her face. 

"I've just had the longest conversation with my mother in seven years!" she said, unable to hide the delight in her voice. She reminded him of an excited child. 

"Congratulations!" he said, with an answering smile. "How is she?" 

"Over the moon. A little shell-shocked. She can't quite believe it. Neither can I!" 

Chakotay approached her and together they walked to stare out of the window at the familiar planets they were coasting past. In the distance they could just make out the blue speck of earth. 

He put his hand on her shoulder, giving it an affectionate squeeze. "Well, you'd better get used to the idea," he said reassuringly. "We're home." 

"Yes, we are. How's the mood on the ship?" 

"Jubilant," he said, handing her a couple of padds he was carrying. "My latest reports." She quirked an eyebrow at the padds briefly, quickly taking on board ship's status and deciding that most problems were either being dealt with effectively or could wait. "Repairs to the starboard nacelle and the hull breaches on decks 9 and 10 are well underway. The warp core has already been recalibrated, and I can categorically promise you Voyager will make it back to earth under her own steam." 

"Glad to hear it. I want her to look her best tomorrow for the reception committee and the publicity shots. You got my communiqué about that?" 

"Yes. I have teams working round the clock. We have all the resources we could possibly need, instantly available and no expense spared. Might I say your crew have stepped up to the task with some enthusiasm. They're as proud of Voyager as their Captain!" Kathryn merely smiled at this, as if she knew that all along. "I'm scheduling everyone some time off, and that includes you. There's the mother of all parties starting on the holodecks." 

"I suppose we have to put in an appearance," she said with a sigh, depositing the padds on the coffee table. 

"Give yourself a break. You might enjoy it." A slight twist of her mouth suggested she wasn't convinced. "There'll be lots of food…Chell's been cooking and rationing is officially revoked. I'll bet you haven't eaten in the last twelve hours!" 

"No, I haven't." 

"Besides, we don't have to stay long," he whispered close to her ear. "I have plans for you afterwards." 

"Have you?" she queried, raising an interested eyebrow. 

"Absolutely," he said, fixing her steadily with his gaze. 

"What sort of plans?" 

"Plans for our own _very_ private celebration," he said suggestively. 

"Oh," she answered, rather enthused by this propositon, "but aren't you celebrating with Seven?" 

He blinked. Of course, she knew about that. The Admiral had told her. "No," he said quietly, "I'm not. Seven and I, contrary to what you may have been told, are not together. We had precisely four dates, and have mutually decided we are not right for each other." 

"I'm sorry." 

"No, you're not," he said, threading an arm around her waist and drawing her closer. 

"I'm not?" 

"No, you're not," he said, his lips very close to hers now. He'd spent a long time the night before rehearsing what he would say at this moment, but he could not for the life of him think of the words now. The proximity of her body was sending strange electrifying currents racing through is body, and all rational thought seemed to be disappearing into subspace. At that moment, he decided that actions would perhaps speak louder than words, or more likely his body decided for him. 

He lunged for her lips, probing, delving, tasting. It was a heady, ravenous kiss and she was responding in equal measure, her hands scooping round his back and onto his shoulder blades. 

When they broke off breathlessly, they both laughed. Kathryn's eyes shone with a light he'd never seen before, dark, mysterious and inviting. He already knew he was going to get the result he'd long desired. 

"Well," she said with a satisfied gasp, "I think you've had a talking to by my older self!" 

"And by my older self, in a manner of speaking." 

"Oh?" 

"Kathryn, it was tragic. They never told each other how they felt until he lay dying in a hospital bed. They loved each other for twenty-three years before they admitted it!" 

"Oh my G-d! All that time wasted?" 

"Yes. I'll tell you about it sometime. But I'm not going to waste another second. I want you to know here and now that I love you. I always have. I always will and I'm looking for nothing short of a lifetime partnership here. And, I might add, I'm pretty sure you feel the same…I heard it from the lips of someone who knew you inside out. Am I right?" Kathryn looked at him open-mouthed. "Well?" 

"Pretty much," she nodded. 

"Good, because I want to get you in my arms and naked while my body is still young enough and strong enough to do something about it!" 

"You do?" Her voice had taken on a new seductive tone. 

"Yes. So…we're going to slip into the celebrations, do the Captain and Commander bit for…what…an hour or two. Eat something, make whatever speeches you deem necessary, do the rounds, pat a few people on the back and then we're going to slip away to our own _very private_ celebration." 

"Well," she said with a sultry smile, "seems like you've got everything under control, Commander." 

"I think I have. All I need is the Captain's approval." 

"Oh, you've definitely got the Captain's approval." 

He pulled her to him again for another searing kiss, as he thought idly that things could very soon be totally out of control here. The prospect was enthralling. 

But before they could, her console beeped. " _Federation Headquarters to Captain Janeway_ ," came a tinny distant voice. 

Kathryn pulled out of the kiss reluctantly and walked over to her terminal with Chakotay following behind her. "Might have known they wouldn't leave us in peace for long," she threw back at him, before hitting the receive button. "Captain Janeway speaking. Go ahead." 

An official in dark formal clothing appeared on the screen. 

"Captain Janeway, the President of Earth is waiting to speak to you. We will be patching you through in a few minutes time. Can you be ready?" announced the young man. 

"Certainly. It would be an honour," she responded graciously. 

"Good. I will contact you again in five minutes. Keep the line clear. You need to be aware that the interview will be being broadcast live to billions of people." 

"Understood," answered Kathryn, swallowing. 

"Thank-you," said the young man, as the Federation insignia filled the screen in his place. 

"Oh my G-d!" exclaimed Kathryn. 

"You can handle this!" said Chakotay encouragingly. 

"Of course, I can handle it," heading for her washroom like a torpedo. "But what must I look like? I've been on duty without a break for fifteen hours, and, delightful though your antics just now were, I'd swear you've messed up my hair and smudged my lipstick!" 

"You look just fine to me!" 

"Men always say that!" she said with a huff. 

Chakotay watched her flustered disappearance with a chuckle. "Want a hand?" he called after her. 

"No!" came a vehement distant cry. "You'll make things worse." 

She was gone three minutes, while he paced her floor, ruminating with happiness on the leap forward their relationship had just taken. He licked his lips with satisfaction. He could still taste her. His lips were still tingling from her touch. Later tonight, a good deal more of him was going to tingle. 

What a thrill it was to be with this vibrant whirlwind of a woman, and in just a few hours he would be making love with her. He knew it was going to mind-blowing. He just knew it. It couldn't be anything else. Kathryn Janeway never did anything half-heartedly. She was an incredibly passionate woman, and, if he at last placed himself on the receiving end of her attention, he knew his own response would instantly rise up to match hers. 

Two days ago, he'd been looking forward with some anticipation to making love to Seven. He knew without a doubt that what he'd felt then was a faint flicker of the bubbling excitement he now felt welling up inside him at the prospect of making love to Kathryn. He sent up a silent vow of thanks to his older self and to the Admiral. He hoped she'd found the peace she'd been searching for. 

The woman at the centre of his thoughts fairly bounced back out of the washroom, all eagerness. Chakotay laughed. 

She had not a hair out of place, her make-up now perfect, and her lips shining with fresh lipstick. Spirits, how succulent her lips looked, he thought. 

"How do I look?" she asked uncertainly, as she smoothed down her uniform. 

"Ravishingly beautiful!" 

She grimaced. "I don't want to look ravishingly beautiful. I want to look…" 

"Every inch the consummate Captain," he broke in, realising he'd said the wrong thing. 

"Really?" 

"Perfect." 

She made her way round to her console to sit herself comfortably before the screen. 

"Do you want me to go?" 

"No stay! But don't you dare make faces at me from behind the screen." 

"Yes, boss." 

"Time?" 

"Ninety seconds or thereabouts." 

"Good. After this, I'm officially taking the Captain and Commander off duty. I'll hand the Bridge over to Tuvok. He's already had a break, I presume?" 

"He has, and, though he'll try to mask his delight, he'll be grateful for an excuse not to join the party." 

"Good. If there are any more calls we can be officially _celebrating with the crew_!" 

"Sounds good to me." 

The console beeped again. It was early. When Kathryn hit the receive button, the same young man appeared on the screen. 

"Captain Janeway? Are you ready to speak with the President?" 

"Yes. I'm ready." 

"Remember, this is being beamed across much of the Alpha Quadrant. We'll be going live in thirty seconds." 

"Understood." 

Kathryn hit the mute button and her eyes lifted over the screen to Chakotay's beaming face. His huge smirk suggested he could in no way be trusted not to make faces at her from behind her console. She resigned herself with a sigh. She was quite simply going to have to avoid his gaze for the duration of the interview. 

"Did you mean it…about the naked thing?" she asked him innocently. 

"Absolutely!" he assured her. "Never meant anything more sincerely in my entire life. You and I have some new territory to explore. Trust me, our private celebrations are going to be something rather special." 

She threw him one of her huge heart-stopping smiles in response. Clearly, she was as happy about the prospect as he was. Then her eyes turned back to the viewscreen and her smile morphed into a more secretive private one. But he saw it, and his insides did a delicious flip-flop. 

She disengaged the mute. 

"Standby! Going live in...five, four, three, two, one…" 

A mature greyish man filled the screen: the face of the President of Earth. Not the same one as when she'd left, but a face now readily familiar to her. 

"Captain Janeway?" 

"This is Captain Janeway of the USS Voyager speaking." 

The man broke into a genuine smile. "Then may I be the first to publicly congratulate you and your crew on the successful completion of your mission and return to the Alpha Quadrant." 

"Thank-you, sir." 

"Welcome home!" 

* * *

  


2404  
Resultant Timeline 

  


Kathryn woke from a deep sleep. She was lying out in the sunshine on a lounger. For a moment she felt disorientated. There was a sudden flash of memory... a whole lifetime of events seemed to float into her consciousness ever so briefly, things that had never actually happened to her, even a unnerving vision of looking at her younger self in her Ready Room many years ago. 

She almost sensed a separate presence, bearing the burden of much regret. A wall of sadness. Chakotay was gone. 

Except, he wasn't, she reminded herself. He was here, right where he should be. She could hear him with their son cutting the branches of an over-grown tree on the other side of the garden. She smiled to herself. Everything was just fine. She really shouldn't have indulged in an afternoon snooze. The sun had gone to her head for a moment. 

She felt a flush of happiness, a strange sensation, almost not part of herself. A sudden realisation hit her, that, yes, everything was as it should be at last. Things had turned out very differently. 

Very differently? Kathryn suddenly recognised this feeling for what it was. This was the moment her other self had gone to her death to change history. The second consciousness was her spirit from that other existence, waking up as she had hoped and finding everything changed. Everything was so much better. 

She sighed contentedly, as the other bitter memories faded away, the second presence seeming to merge with her own. She felt whole again, and the feeling of disorientation fled. 

She glanced across at Chakotay and their son working away happily and enjoying some deep filial conversation. A fit and healthy Chakotay turned and, seeing she had wakened, threw her a big dimpled grin. Life was good. They were truly home. They'd been home for sixteen wonderful years. This was the true legacy of their older counterparts. 


End file.
